Yes, it really does seem like I've finally climbed onto the shore after some sort of trouble at sea.
I've been, what you'd say, 'missing in action' for a long, long time. Though the blog ban had some part in it, it's still only a small wedge in the whole pie chart. All the rest of the space goes to... mismanagement, disorganization and lack of direction and prioritization.
For some time now, I've been worrying about what to post when I 'return' to my blog. But that's stupid! It's 1:01 am and I'm writing this now, without a moment's thought about trying to 'restore' my 'image'. Hmm, that sound's stupid. So be it.
I started college in January, gave one term exam in March (how I gave it, I have no idea. Allah blessed me with the marks). Then, making a million resolutions about studying more for the next term exams, I worked but still lacked in many quarters... thus, in the term exams of June, I did better but in many ways, as bad as ever.
I've got July off, half of which has passed and I've got my books with me here in Tabuk. I haven't studied yet, though I know I should, but it feels weird. I know what I have to do, yet, I seem to lack the driving force. I keep trying to make myself aim, but I seem to have lost focus.
The real and honest fact is that I love what I am discovering in this field of study, day after day, and I see the application (having done the anatomy of the upper and lower limbs already) right before me. My issues are all psychological - from intense competition in the college to lack of close, good friends around me.
I'm not depressed or disheartened. But I am concerned. And even though I remind myself that Iman - strong and real Iman - is the most important thing for me right now, I sometimes see myself tripping over small pebbles on the pathway. Maybe that's the whole deal. I need to believe in Allah, I need to believe in myself. Being on number 12 on the merit list, I'm unnecessarily awed by the geniuses around me. Am I not too in their midst? Then what am I afraid of?
I need to face up to a lot of such issues that plague my mind, and I'd be glad to get pointers from you. I know you're human too, like me, and you've gone through the same at some point. Help your fellow blogger? :)
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Washed ashore
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6 comments:
Assalamu'alaykum,
Welcome back!
I went through a phase during my studies where I felt I wasn't doing as well as I needed to. And surprisingly, it only made things worse. I set lofty goals, and I only worsened the situation because of it.
Eventually, I realized that I wasn't stimulating myself in the right way. I had to enjoy what I was doing, not simply feel like I'm an unwilling participant in a competition. Once I realigned myself to some realistic academic goals, my performance improved considerably. And I enjoyed the process as well, even when I did hit a few bumps. That made my studies that much more satisfying compared to the top students who became miserable if their grades slipped just a tiny bit.
Assalaam Alaikum, Ameera
I am happy you finally came back to share a glimpse into your life.
My only suggestion is to face one problem at a time. A good idea is to read about the brain: data retention and recall. Studying studying helps me study.
Faraz bh:
Walaikum salam! Jazak Allah for the welcome and for the great advice! :)
I guess I'd fallen into the same trap - I was using the wrong approach all along. Oftentimes, I felt I was just trying to keep up with others around, rather than make my own way. And yes, I started losing control of the situation... it was awkward, depending on other people while there is no such thing at University. :S
I guess I really do need to set some achievable goals, especially with my third Term Exams, and the Pre-Professionals, and Professionals (Final Exam) coming up in the following months. Jazak-Allah, I'll keep all that in mind.
Shan: Walaikum salam. It was great to hear from you, as always. :) He he, studying about studying - it really does make sense. I'm sure it helps and I must try it. What I do do, somewhat similar, is I read about the author. One of my Physiology books, by the late Arthur C. Guyton, has a lot of information about the author's life in the beginning - Saima and I've both read it alteast thrice! :P
Jazak-Allah! :)
Assalam Walaikum Ameera,
As Faraz said, "Welcome Back". :)
We all go through these moments where we feel like we're scraping along in terms of our education... I think inshallah you'll find an effective way to come out of it and make yourself feel more dynamic about things instead of static. It's a battle that I face with myself regularly but imaan definitely helps reprioritize things.
Assalam-oAlaikum!
Sorry to hear about that sis...but, don't worry you know your "home physciatrist" *hint* *hint* will always be there for you!
Nomi Bahi: Thanks for the great words of encouragement! I'm working on my issues - finally - now that I've come face to face with them, instead of just ignoring them.
Cookie: You can keep your self styled phsyciatrist (with the silly British accent) to yourself. I've had enough of her crazy observations.
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