Washed ashore

Yes, it really does seem like I've finally climbed onto the shore after some sort of trouble at sea.

I've been, what you'd say, 'missing in action' for a long, long time. Though the blog ban had some part in it, it's still only a small wedge in the whole pie chart. All the rest of the space goes to... mismanagement, disorganization and lack of direction and prioritization.

For some time now, I've been worrying about what to post when I 'return' to my blog. But that's stupid! It's 1:01 am and I'm writing this now, without a moment's thought about trying to 'restore' my 'image'. Hmm, that sound's stupid. So be it.

I started college in January, gave one term exam in March (how I gave it, I have no idea. Allah blessed me with the marks). Then, making a million resolutions about studying more for the next term exams, I worked but still lacked in many quarters... thus, in the term exams of June, I did better but in many ways, as bad as ever.

I've got July off, half of which has passed and I've got my books with me here in Tabuk. I haven't studied yet, though I know I should, but it feels weird. I know what I have to do, yet, I seem to lack the driving force. I keep trying to make myself aim, but I seem to have lost focus.

The real and honest fact is that I love what I am discovering in this field of study, day after day, and I see the application (having done the anatomy of the upper and lower limbs already) right before me. My issues are all psychological - from intense competition in the college to lack of close, good friends around me.

I'm not depressed or disheartened. But I am concerned. And even though I remind myself that Iman - strong and real Iman - is the most important thing for me right now, I sometimes see myself tripping over small pebbles on the pathway. Maybe that's the whole deal. I need to believe in Allah, I need to believe in myself. Being on number 12 on the merit list, I'm unnecessarily awed by the geniuses around me. Am I not too in their midst? Then what am I afraid of?

I need to face up to a lot of such issues that plague my mind, and I'd be glad to get pointers from you. I know you're human too, like me, and you've gone through the same at some point. Help your fellow blogger? :)